"You're my favorite (insert daughters name) in the whole wide world!"
This is something I have said to our daughters since I can remember. I love seeing their blue eyes light up like stars in the night sky. I can’t tell them they’re my favorite daughter since there are three of them, but that doesn't seem to matter to the girls. They love that they’re my most favorite Little Love, Mess, and Big Mak in this big, giant world. They then proceed to tell me that I’m their most favorite mommy in the world (only sometimes do I remind them I’m their only mommy). It brings my heart such joy when I hear them mutter such a sweet, sleepy sentence….
I’m not a perfect mom, I’m far from it. In all honesty I struggle with my words.
My words are not always the most loving or uplifting. Sometimes I spit things out before my mind has had a chance to even think about what was said. I can be quick to anger and even quicker at yelling. I know this is a weakness of mine, so I've been working on it a lot lately. I’m growing and changing. I've been slower to anger and I've held my tongue from lashing out. I still have my moments and I always apologize afterwards. A lot of my anger pops up when the girls are fighting, bickering, or aggravating each other.
I wonder how much of my stress regarding the girls’ sisterly behavior is because I don’t really know what it’s like to have a sibling full time. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone be on your nerves, or idolizing you, the way Big Mak does to Mess. I was very blessed to have 2 step-sisters growing up, whom I consider my real sisters but when we were younger we didn't live together. They lived with their mom and step dad a few hours away and visited every so often and during the summer. Now, I do know we fought like cats and dogs during those summer months, but I always thought that was because I wasn't use to having them around all the time. Is that what having a sibling is like?
I always knew that if I ever had a kid I’d have at least one more. I knew I didn't want my child to be an only child. I remember when I was little I’d beg my mom for a brother or sister… I even told her I wished someone would drop a baby off on our doorstep like you’d see in the movies. Mess probably wishes someone would come take her little sisters. Ha! It’s funny that even with all their fighting they still, all three, want to sleep in the same room together. When one sister is gone they find it strange and usually end up asking if they can sleep together in the same bed. We have bunk beds and a twin iron bed in one room. They play musical beds some nights and that’s okay with me. We may own a 5 bedroom home but if they want to be unconventional and sleep in the same room, I’m all for it.
The two biggest girls are at their bio-dads for the weekend. On Friday I almost couldn't wait for them to go. All the fighting was getting to me, but today, Little Love and I were bored without them. We had a girly day of buying new nail polish, bubble baths, painting our nails and then an evening trip to the movies to see Brave, but we both missed Mess and Big Mak terribly.
Being a mother is the hardest job I can imagine having but it’s a job I’m dearly blessed to have.