Friday, October 12, 2012


I've been feeling completely overwhelmed lately; overwhelmed with being a parent, a homeschooler, a facilitator, etc. I know many bible verses'  that tell us to give our burdens/worries to the Lord and he'll take care of us (Psalm 55:22) but why is that so hard?

I've recently given a huge worry over to the Lord; the worrying of money. W and I have begun tithing at church and since doing that I don’t worry about money nearly as much. I still have my moments of “oh, gosh, will we make it this week?”, but they are few and far between. I know He will provide for us because He knows that we want to give. I know living in America we have more than most of the world and if we can give money to help others with basic needs instead of us keeping it to gather more “stuff” then the Lord will make sure we're provided for. Money has been a huge worry of ours for a long time now. With an income that varies it can be kind of scary during the slow times of year. We prepare for these downtimes, however, it doesn’t always seem to be enough. W and I are both tired of worrying about money. He’s tired of having to worry about how much he’s working and I'm tired of worrying about if he needs to work and be away from us just so we can live the life we do. We don’t go on trips, we don't go out regularly, but we do live a nice, middle-American lifestyle. I have said in the past, “We may not like everything we have but we have everything we need.” I believe this wholeheartedly. W may not like his car but we were able to pay cash for it and it had low mileage – good for his long commute. I may not like the 10 year old couches I've had since Mess was a year old, but we have furniture to sit on. Perspective.

While I’m feeling positive and thinking about the worries I've given over I'll discuss another; my weight loss. This is an area I've struggled with what feels like my entire life. I’m not a size 4, I’m not 115 pounds (the “ideal” weight for a woman 5’2”), but I am now comfortable with myself. Sure, I’d like to be a little smaller but I've given my worries and stress over. I eat fruits and vegetables on a daily basis. I also eat tortilla chips and hot sauce if I'm feeling like it. I mind my portions and go on daily walks with the kids and Georgia. I decided to let the Lord be in control. I'm done beating myself up. I don't want to have negative thoughts about myself any longer. After praying, confessing, and asking for help I now have a peace about it all. I can log my food and calories without stressing and worrying. I can enjoy a date night out and go over 200 calories for the day and not freak out about it. I don't want to be the norm in society. I want to be kind not only to others but also to myself and I'm on my way. I'm forever a work in progress and that’s okay.

Now for the worries I need to let go of:

  • raising the girls the “right” way 
  • keeping a perfect home
  • worrying about what others think
  • worrying about if the girls will want to learn

I'm giving myself homework for the week… to work, to work hard, on truly giving these worries to the Lord. I will pray. I will find quiet time to study the bible, to read my devotionals. I will say “yes” a little more often to the girls; not to spoil them but to allow them to feel a little freer. I will help them throughout the house instead of us having our own separate things to take care of. I will work hard at us being more of a unit instead of individuals. We will sit and read about what they want to read about, no matter how much I want to read The Secret Garden to them. Deep breath in - deep breath out. Pray and let go... allow Him the chance to answer your (my) prayers without begging and whining. Surely I can do this.

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  1. This was just what I needed to hear today, Vanessa! I was literally sitting here, heart pounding, blood boiling, over the money we are about to have to shell out for garage door repair. Thank you for reminding me that he is and always will be our provider! I am so excited you guys are tithing, hands down the most freeing and best decision we've ever made! It's his anyway, not sure why we ever tried to hang onto that money :) You are absolutely beautiful, don't accept those lies Satan is throwing at you, telling you you're not "ideal". You are fearfully and wonderfully made! :)

  2. vanessa,
    i think (and have always thought) that you are a wonderful, deep, caring, self-reflective person and wonderful, wonderful mom. you are beautiful inside and out. i loved this post. i, too, struggle with my "number" weight which is thirty pounds or so beyond what is "normal" for my height. i don't know why it's so high but i've always been super muscular with a larger bone structure. I eat super healthy. i feel the need, like you, to just watch portions but overall "let go." we only get one life. we ought to be happy with our looks. funny you mention the secret garden, i am reading it to my five-year-olds at school each afternoon! can't get a read on how they like it so far (it's a bit over their heads). peace and love to you.