sixteen.

I felt sad the other night while trying to fall asleep. I don't understand why I felt sad but I told God anyway. He comforted me with love and quiet humm's until I drifted off to sleep.   We have an easy life, loving marriage and a relationship with our Father and yet I still felt sad. He didn't get annoyed or angry, he wasn't condescending .. He just held me and loved me. Just what I needed.  Father, I thank you that I can be real with You, that I never need to hide my feelings and thoughts from You. I can pour my heart out to You with complete honesty and without fear. You love me and accept me when I need answers, when I'm frustrated, or when I just want to tell You the love I have for You. You understand my humanness, my limitations, my hurts. You are forever standing there with Your arms wide open, embracing me, guiding me, loving me. Thank you Father. In Jesus' name. Amen.

fifteen.

I sat this morning talking to my Heavenly Father telling him how I felt, but what I really needed to do was think about how others felt. After a day like yesterday how are our daughters going to wake up feeling? I may sit and think, "Ugh, I still feel grumpy and upset by their behavior yesterday," but why do I still feel that way? Is it that I wake expecting the girls to misbehave again? I think deep down I do. I wake up, although not often, thinking about all the "wrong" the kids are going to do today. What a miserable way to begin a new day! And really, it's not even that they're doing anything wrong, it's behavior, lashing out, frustration, annoyance. I yearn for them to wake up with bright expectations and a renewed sense of self, so why don't I do the same? I will. 

fourteen.

As Mess and Big Mak do "school" work, and Little Love plays play dough, I thought I'd sit and update our blog. Our blog that I've neglected for a little over 2 months. I love writing but life seems to get in the way. Before I know it hours have become days, days turn into weeks, and those weeks turn into months. I have a personal journal that I do my best to write in everyday. I pray and write about what He says to me, I write about the kids, W, and life in general. I think often of this blog and what I'd like it to become....
I'd love to fill it with adventures, photographs of a life lived, of stories and days gone by.

thirteen.

My husband has a great way of putting things into perspective for me. I might moan and groan about a certain thing but he always has a way for me to see things more clearly. He helps me see through my emotions, and sometimes, even my tears and fears. Things cannot always go the way I want or even hope. There are times where I can't see how fortunate I've been and he'll open my eyes. W is incredibly intuitive with me. He almost knows me better than I know myself. He is my better half. He knows how to make me feel strong when I'm feeling weak. He knows how to calm me down when I'm riled up. He is my everything and I'm blessed woman to know I'm also his. 

twelve.

It has been a whirlwind of a month! We had Mess's birthday party, our 5 year wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving followed by a weekend of holiday activities.

In mid-November Mess turned 11 years old. The day before her birthday she decided now that she was going to be 11 she was “too old” to share a room with her sisters. So, before her friends came over for her party we moved her across the hall from her sisters into her own room, again. She seems to be happy there...although she will admit, occasionally, to miss sleeping in a room with her sisters. For the 3 of them it seems to be a comfort thing. In fact, today, they all three were begging for me to let them all share a room with W and I. I about laughed my butt off followed with a big “NO WAY!” Sweet thought and I'm glad they love us that much, however, they're crazy if they think that'll ever happen.

Mess's new room

Mess wanted to camp out in the backyard with her friends for her birthday.

eleven.

Zumba! Zumba! Zumba! 

Could you be my new best friend?! I’ve been so scared to try you and now that I have I don’t think I’ll ever go back to a bland workout again!

There’s been an advertisement in our neighborhood newsletter for a few months now stating there’s a FREE zumba class in the mornings at our community gym. I’ve been nervous about trying it out, I’m not much of a dancer, but I loved it. At first I was the only person in there except the instructor, however, midway through 2 other women showed up. The instructor said that Monday’s are usually low in members because people are getting back into the groove of the week. For me starting my week with a fun workout will help me keep going. I had doubts about myself and my coordination, or lack thereof, but I did fine and laughed at myself on the parts I didn’t quite get. Now that I know I like it and will do just fine I’m going to keep attending. There are 3 classes a week and they’re all FREE! At that price how can I not keep attending?

ten.

"You're my favorite (insert daughters name) in the whole wide world!"

 This is something I have said to our daughters since I can remember. I love seeing their blue eyes light up like stars in the night sky. I can’t tell them they’re my favorite daughter since there are three of them, but that doesn't seem to matter to the girls. They love that they’re my most favorite Little Love, Mess, and Big Mak in this big, giant world. They then proceed to tell me that I’m their most favorite mommy in the world (only sometimes do I remind them I’m their only mommy). It brings my heart such joy when I hear them mutter such a sweet, sleepy sentence….

 I’m not a perfect mom, I’m far from it. In all honesty I struggle with my words.